1. |
Trials and Tribulations
02:21
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I got my foot in 2 worlds but I'm living in none
Why did I wait til my 40's to consider a run
Been telling yall for years that my rhyming was done
Main motivation was not becoming a bum
You'd think it would be easier, cred gets measlier
The more my eyes open, the game gets seedier
Everyone's ya bro, every comment is flames
I prolly bet back in the days, these niggas were lames
Most these niggas are dames, think they're trailblazing
Only by yourself, are your boring bars amazing
I thought the same thing, Grey covered by Bigen
My wisdom embraced, learned not to be impatient
Writers block I'm facing, but is it really
Has the time come, that I just don't have the feeling
Maybe I don't wanna be open with what I'm dealing
Selfish with my trials, tribulations nearly killed me
Took 40 plus years, for me to feel comfortable
For now, its Mike Steph, no more mention of Donnie Oooh
Yall dont have a clue, how I deal with the shakes
Anxiety creeping, silent killer like snakes
Cut the grass low, exposing the fakes
My therapeutic anger ain't decreasing the stakes
It's increasing my rate, heart tryna keep pace
Took awhile to feel at ease, looking at my own face
A whole new space, grounded by new gravity
Used to love to float, drained like a battery
10 months free, more in touch with my facilities
Monkey on my back, Ceasar tried to tackle me
Tackled to the ground, wanted flesh by the pound
Muted voices in my head, now I don't hear a sound
Pristine mind and body, no more shackles I was bound
To roam free in the world, the real me now i found
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2. |
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Been a long road, overcame the damaging
Anger overtook me, 2 years of managing
My inner most thoughts, apathetic mixed with passionate
The life and death of Mike Steph, couldn't be more accurate
One of only one, never a comparison
Keep my hurt hidden, free from embarrassment
But if I lash out, you're the target of harassment
It's better for my mental, to start my own banishment
30 yrs battling, inner me battered man
Gave it all up, for the real things that mattered and
Do i miss it, maybe, but there's no turning back again
New adventures great, the 6 flags unraveling
Others understanding isn't top priority
Brothers pushing 50 craving for authority
Sensitive Ralph's, need to stay far from me
So used to Donnie, they ignored the calmer me
Learning not to let it bother me, keep them farther from me
At my best when im threatened, but they keep cornering me
See all the signs, box them out, no bordering me
Can't afford mistakes, tune out these demons calling on me
Been a long road, overcame the damaging
Anger overtook me, 2 years of managing
My inner most thoughts, apathetic mixed with passionate
The life and death of Mike Steph, couldn't be more accurate
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3. |
My Greatest Fear
03:04
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This shit's unbelievable, better yet, inconceivable
None of this is real, can't deal, with not seeing you
Here in the present, even though I feel your presence
Always was my guardian, only now, you're in heaven
Never was a friend, from the start, was my brethren
Bonded by some ketchup, instantly, in a second
You came thru the door, like you'd been there before
Our fam intertwined, in ways I never saw
Our brotherhood started from a walk to the store
Never would've thought I wouldn't see you nevermore
Holder of two mics, but now one is broken
I wish this was a nightmare, from which I was awoken
Some would think it's harder if I went back to token
But that would only lead to my grief becoming swollen
Memories can't be stolen, their ingrained in my mental
I had one regret, it's that I was more sentimental
Green with envy, wondering why ain't I perfect
Should just be grateful that my head is above the surface
Humble and loyal servant, I know now what's my purpose
As long as I know, I'm ready to draw all my curtains
Its self destruction time, happens every year
Every September, I relive my greatest fear
No matter how is wish it'll be different
The liks and the meds are my only real kinship
Cant stay away from the self reflection
Even if this time always makes me lose direction
Always second guessing, I always think I effed up
Let my inner child out, the old me has had enough
People think I'm tough, not seeing emotional scars
Cause I hide them real well, only found in these bars
Keep looking at the stars, asking what's the cause
But my vision is real cloudy, walking around in a fog
Cant stay away, from this nagging feeling
Is my self destruction, preventing me from healing
Too busy freewheeling, end up doing a 360
Degrees in rotation, pissed off like bill bixby
Green with envy, wondering why ain't I perfect
Should just be grateful that my head is above the surface
Humble and loyal servant, I know now what's my purpose
As long as I know, I'm ready to draw all my curtains
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4. |
December 10th 2022
03:14
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The end of the year, the end of my fear
At the end of my grief, I was the only one here
There is no one left, is there life after death
Tired of this covid shit, tired of holding my breath
I dont believe nothing, everything is a lie
I'm stressed because I care, insomniac eyes
From psychoanlalyzed, to self prophesied
None of it even matters, I just missing my kai
Tired of everyone, telling me to hold on
How I'm supposed to progress, without my first born
If it was that easy, do you think I would call
Emotional overload, the whole world is forewarned
That I'm about to be on some bullshit, rightfully so
How many times I should get hit, without returning a blow
Fuck taking the high road, since birth I went low
Probably explains why I can't seem to grow
What am I supposed to do, it's too late in the game
To change, what's ingrained, and seared in my brain
So much want, but nothing left to gain
My cup runneth over, emotionally I'm drained
My mindframe is insane, immune to the pain
Considering reality, my retribution is tame
My self care is a joke, I walk around teethless
It allows me to slowly become speechless
Lack of vision started impacting decisions
Out of my nine lives, have of them were finished
Who I'm kidding, made a daily habit bending
Reality of my life, fences needed mending
Ten months and counting, the losses keep on mounting
The adversity I've faced, made me wonder what I'm rounding
Keep climbing the mountain, but haven't reached my peak
Sneak into my final form, should be ready in a week
No longer am I weak, stronger than I thought I was
Even though I'm on some meds, I'm finally on a natural buzz
130 over 85, my heart is under pressure blood
No matter what the verdict, only God can be my judge
I remember, that one night in December
Had the sweats and twitches, the beginning of a bender
Didn't heed the signs, but it changed it my life forever
Had the lexi mixed with animal, all normality was severed
I'm followed by these spirits, while I'm haunted by genetics
My past inhibitions, made me act pathetic
All the false rhetoric, came to a settlement
Fork in the road made my pain start kettleling
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Mike Steph Brooklyn, New York
The Best in The World At What I Do! Middle aged and crazy podcaster/backpacker/nice ass rapper. Habitual line stepper.
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